


Heart of my own Heart

by live_laugh_read



Category: Chronicles of Narnia - C. S. Lewis
Genre: Book: The Last Battle (Narnia), Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-22 03:19:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17052092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/live_laugh_read/pseuds/live_laugh_read
Summary: Susan lays her family to rest, and wars with herself.





	Heart of my own Heart

Susan sat alone in the front pew, ignorant of the hushed chatter around her as people took their seats. Her parents and siblings had been well loved, and this love was evident today, at their funeral.

 

The funeral which ought never to have happened.

 

She was clothed in black, a lace veil obscuring her face, her slender fingers covered in gloves. It felt odd and strangely proper, almost as though all the bright colours of the world had been sucked away with the deaths of her family – who now lay side by side in matching coffins at the front of the church, each mahogany box wreathed with flowers and a framed photograph of its occupant atop the lid.

 

At the front of the church, the choir sat in their stalls on either side of the aisle, hidden from the view of the congregation by bamboo screens. Although she could not see them, Susan knew they too were robed in black.

 

The congregation’s chatter was silenced and everyone stood, upon the first strains of the organ. Susan closed her eyes briefly, shutting out the coffins before her. She had chosen the first hymn, one of her mother’s favourites, and on cue the choir raised their voices in harmony.

 

“ _Be Thou my battle-shield, sword for the fight…”_

 

She was suddenly assailed by a vivid memory, of Peter in his battle garb, standing tall and regal before Aslan’s How, sword in hand, watching as Miraz’s army thundered across the mighty plain towards him. Peter, lifting his sword above his head so that it sparkled in the sun, and his long shout, “ _For Narnia_!”

 

“ _Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise_ …”

 

Edmund’s betrayal, at the first, bowing to the White Witch. Then, She had lavished him with admiration and approval, leading him to sell out his own kin for a taste of the throne, and of power beyond imagining. He had grown from the experience, matured into Edmund the Just, seeking to restore dignity and righteousness wherever it was required.

 

Somewhere in the back of her mind, Susan registered the softening of the organ, the choir’s voices soaring together in an almost a capella.

 

“ _High King of heaven, after victory won,_

_May I reach heaven’s joys, O bright heaven’s son!_

_Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,_

_Still be my vision, O ruler of all_ …”

 

She opened her eyes, but instead of seeing the stained-glass window of Christ Jesus, she saw instead a vision of the great Lion himself, his kindly eyes gazing down upon her. And at his side, cloaked in red, her silver gown falling just so, was her sister Lucy – the ever-faithful. Lucy was smiling at her, her own eyes full of a softness that suddenly made her heart ache.

Aslan said, “In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you?”

 

A lone tear slipped down her cheek, and in that moment she felt a longing for the days of old, ruling Narnia together with her brothers and sister, living in peace.

 

But those days were gone, and her siblings were soon to be lowered into the ground alongside their parents, and she was alone.

 

_Narnia cannot be – is not – real. The Aslan I knew would never leave me behind._

Resolute, she shook her head and wiped the stray tear off her face, sitting with the rest of the congregation to hear the priest’s welcome speech. This was her final duty to her family, and she would execute it accordingly, even if she had no faith.

 

 

* * *

 

_“And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also.”_

 

(John 14:3)

**Author's Note:**

> This work was influenced by the hymn _Be Thou My Vision_ , particularly the verse that inspires Susan's vision of Lucy. 
> 
> The overarching theme in this story is the beginning of Susan's return to Narnia. It is in _The Last Battle_ that the others are killed along with their parents in the railway accident, and the hymn refers to a period of time "after victory won" when the narrator may "reach Heaven's joys".
> 
> Thus, this story - and its theme - links to after the Last Battle, when, after victory won, Susan enters Aslan's Country (as shown in my other fic, [Wandering Child, O Come Home](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12765237).


End file.
